last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize