True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
