Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
