I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
