Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
