apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
