apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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