In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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