True but thats because hes a fetus.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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