and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
