you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize