the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
