smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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