oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
where am i from again
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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