Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
