she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
