Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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