I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
