I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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