Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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