she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
and she was petting her beer can
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
