Well apparently he's into motor boating.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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