would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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