I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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