And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
