I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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