I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
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She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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