Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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