Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
