i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
