i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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