3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
