If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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