my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
