I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize