so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
