yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
