she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
