They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
