It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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