i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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