You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
