I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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