i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
