I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
