its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
