sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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