Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
