that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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