the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize