The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
