I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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