I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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