i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?