You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?