Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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