Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
