I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
