Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
