Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
