Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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