whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
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MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
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what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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