my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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