God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
