CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
