and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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