oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
