me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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