i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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