they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
