I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
